To my 16 year old self

To my 16 year old self,

I know you worry about guys liking you. In a few years you’ll be swatting them away like flies. The truth is, most of them will be attracted to you for the wrong reasons and will fly away on their own accord. But some, will stick around. If you feel drawn toward them in return, walk the plank. They have something to teach you.  Don’t be so concerned with whether or not it will last. Everything in life is temporary. Be more concerned with whether or not you genuinely care about each others well being.

Eventually you will realize you don’t have to be nice to everyone all the time. You can actually think about yourself first, and not necessarily be selfish. This will be quite a relief. And you’ll discover people will respect and appreciate you more when you don’t bend over backwards to accommodate them.

Don’t worry so much about how you look. It’s much more important how you feel about yourself. This idea you have about being perfect is someday going to eat you up.  You really might as well give up on it. Someday you’ll realize that everything about you that you’ve wanted to “fix”, is actually what makes you amazing.  This will be hard to believe. Probably for the rest of your life.

Baby girl, you don’t have to be so strong and so brave all of the time. Your ego will often trick you into believing that you are the only one with issues, the only one who suffers, the only one who’s lost. Don’t believe it. Don’t be afraid to share your struggles with other people. You are not alone. The ones who really care will listen and relate. You will discover that your strength lies in your vulnerability. This is what connects you to others. When you finally realize this you’ll cry for all the lonely nights you held yourself together from fear that you could not fall. Fall my darling. Fall.

On that note, everything you fear will happen. You will get your heart broken, you will make the wrong career choices and you will be judged. The truth is, all of this is unavoidable. Everywhere you try to avoid mistakes, you will make them. Everything you try to runaway from, will catch up to you. And eventually, you will meet your destiny on the road you take to avoid it. So relax, you may as well enjoy the ride. The truth is you have very little control.

You are very talented. By all means develop your talent. But know that your talent is not something that will bring you love. The admiration it will bring you is merely transitory. What your talent will ultimately bring you is healing. In turn, it can spark healing in others. But again, this is something you have no control over.  Just do your best and keep growing. Don’t fear the light, let it shine.

Someday you’ll wake up to find, that every effort you’ve made to be worthy of love, was only distracting to the fact that you have always been worthy of it. You will see that the masks you wear don’t get you what you want no matter how good you are at wearing them. When you realize this, it will be very painful. Even so, out of habit, you will probably try them on again. You are a stubborn one after all. But eventually you’ll knock your head against the same wall enough times to realize you are likely to break before it does. And you will. When you do, you will see that in all your efforts not to get it wrong, you missed all that was right. This is when you will be ready for true love.

Unfortunately, true love will not come when or how you expect it to. But live in the moment. Yoga, therapy and music will prove to be very helpful. Lean on them. Lean on good friends and family. And remember, the most important time is now, the most important person is the one that you are with, and the most important thing, is to do good. Everything else, takes care of itself.

Love,

Your 27 year old self 😉